Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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