I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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