I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
