So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
