Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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