oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
