i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
