Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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