i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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