So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
