is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
