wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
