So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
