I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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