I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
