and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
