You made me cry and you don't even care
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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