We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
