I just pynch a tree in the face
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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