You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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