just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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