what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
