I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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