also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
