I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
