butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
