What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Houston, we have a squirter
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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