I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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