You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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