I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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