I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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