There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
