I'm pants shitting drunk right now
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
