i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Help. Why am I so naked?
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