do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
