Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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