its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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