So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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