I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
