dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
