i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
