Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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