Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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