I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
