I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize