i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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