He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am one with the molecules
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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