Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
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is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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