So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
