yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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