i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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