I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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