no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize