Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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