I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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