It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
