Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
